Time is running out. Have you used yours well?
What will your regrets be when you look back on life?
Many of us in financial planning circles have often heard of those core regrets that people have on their deathbed (this comes from Author Bronnie Ware who pulled these from her conversations with patients in palliative care).
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
I wish I had let myself be happier.
I don’t have a core “teaching” theme today. Rather - I just want to write from the heart after reflecting on what felt like a couple tough weeks…and I want to talk about regrets in a round about way.
The past couple weeks have been FULL of work and family. I have slept very little (combination bad habits and necessity of too much). I sent a text to my wife before walking our dog the other day saying how tired I was and how much I really felt resentful of being an involved father.
Those seem like harsh words but for context - my children love playing with me. I’ve invested a lot of time in coaching, playing games, and in general being “fun”. Additionally - our kids have the usual gamut of “kid problems”. Strong in some school areas, weak in others, strong in some physical areas, weak in others. In general - as all kids - they require a lot of work.
I won’t make this out to be some “perfect parents” garbage. We also have a lot of flaws. We see some of the areas we could be stepping it up for our kids and those eat away at us. We are trying our best to be there for them though and do what we can to keep them at the front of the pack.
But it’s hard. Anyone who has a kid who comes home with the “your child did something bad in school today” message knows the extra emotional burden that comes along with “ok how can I actually raise them well…while surrounded by all the craziness of the rest of my life”.
So after a trampoline park for a birthday party where I played tag, after taking them to see the promised “Bad Guys 2” movie (Amazing - highly recommend imo for a fun family movie) and then another group BBQ today…I took our dog for a walk and just pondered how tired I was and how much “work” I didn’t get done. I was down in the dumps.
This sounds like a defeated end to the night but…there is a bright end to this story.
I was listening to one of the many podcasts I have on my phone (Founders by David Senra) and he was discussing Steve Jobs and a specific point came up where Steve said this quote:
“The journey is the reward. People think that you’ve made it when you’ve gotten to the end of the rainbow and got the pot of gold. But they’re wrong. The reward is in the crossing the rainbow. That’s easy for me to say—I got the pot of gold (literally). But if you get to the pot of gold, you already know that that’s not the reward, and you go looking for another rainbow to cross.”
David Senra then said his key summary of that was “time is the stuff life is made of - a quote from Ben Franklin”.
I can’t tell you what shifted mentally for me…but I remembered why I put myself through the wringer when it comes to my kids, my family, etc. Because I know what I will regret.
What will I regret?
I have been lucky enough to know many people at different older phases of life than me and the key themes I am reminded of are always around family, friends, pursuing your life’s dreams, legacy, etc. I’ve been told many times about how precious time with the kids are etc.
I know what my regrets “could” be because I have this collective wisdom of others and I know what areas I’m slowly developing in that also have the ability to give me happiness.
I know that:
Financial Planning & the surrounding industry is where I am meant to be. It’s my calling to be here and to get better every damn day. Winning first place on the CFP® exam was just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much work to be done to make financial planning even better for all my clients. Most people go their entire lives without finding their true “ikigai”. I’m lucky to have found what I think is mine early in the game.
My family matters. I AM happy when I see their smiles and we share an incredible bond. I feel pride when I see them accomplish things and I’m so excited for the incredible ways they will thrive in this world.
I have a gorgeous wife whom I am head over heels for and in love with. Her smile and laugh lights up my day. I’m so lucky she loves me back and we both never take each other too seriously so we get lots of laughs in our days. I spent the first 2/3 of my life being a nerd pining for the happy ending we see in movies and I’m so freaking lucky to have gotten mine as early as I did.
I’m an extrovert. I love conferences. I love networking and making friends. I live for connecting people and learning from others and PEOPLE have in many ways been the source of all my luck/skill/learning.
I love activity. I’m thrilled to have rediscovered sports again in the form of martial arts. I also love working out and love that I have something to train for. It makes me happy in a unique way that only athletes can understand.
On the flip side I know as well the potential inverse of that:
If I spent my time half-assing the planning for my clients - even if it meant making more money - I would be unhappy. I would know/see the gaps in the plans and it would eat me up not to try to solve it. If I somehow ended up leaving this industry without spending a large chunk of time in it writing, thinking. learning, etc - I would be devastated.
If my kids left me and never came back I would be devastated. If I didn’t see them smile my heart would break. If I had to watch another coach give a D effort and I know I could have done a better job - it would eat me alive. If they become adults and I have to look back over the 20ish years of their life where I had the option to help them develop more and didn’t - that will haunt me until I die.
If my wife left me - life would suck in so many ways. The thought of not growing old with her, of not laughing with her, of not holding her hand at weddings, parties, movies, etc …it makes life grey and not worth living.
If I have to be locked into an office or at home, without hearing the loud buzz of people in an event, without making new friends, without making the world a smaller place - I already experienced that once during Covid and let me tell you - I refuse to endure a life like that again.
Being weak, being unfit, not having a sport to train for is kind of an empty existence. That purpose gives me drive to be fit most days. Giving up those things for a period of time killed a part of my soul deep down when I stopped exercising for a bit and gained weight.
Why do I write these things out?
Because it’s a reminder. It’s THE reminder when things get hard. When I’m tired, when I’m tempted to take a short cut, when I’m tempted to say to my kids “not right now”, when I’m tempted to spend time or money on things that aren’t part of the above - that list of my “core desires” and the counter - the “regrets I may have if I don’t stay focused on them” is what drives me.
Yes - focusing on continual improvement in those goals is hard.
But the regrets I will have 20 years from now by NOT doing those things is much harder.
So my question to all of you (and what I would love from all my clients) is to jump forward in time.
What will you regret? What do you regret right now even? What will make you sad to know didn’t work out in the future? Are you doing the right things today to work against those regrets? Or are you passively letting life flow by without pausing to intentionally ask yourself “am I working towards the things I really want?”
Don’t. If you do…you are missing out.
Chat soon everyone.
Aravind Sithamparapillai is an Investment Advisor with Aligned Capital Partners Inc. (“ACPI”). The opinions expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of ACPI. This material is provided for general information and the opinions expressed and information provided herein are subject to change without notice. Every effort has been made to compile this material from reliable sources however no warranty can be made as to its accuracy or completeness. Before acting on the information presented, please seek professional financial advice based on your personal circumstances. ACPI is a full-service investment dealer and a member of the Canadian Investor Protection Fund (“CIPF”) and the Canadian Investment Regulatory Organization (“CIRO”). Investment services are provided through ACPI or Ironwood Securities of Aligned Capital Partners Inc, an approved trade name of ACPI. Only investment-related products and services are offered through ACPI/ Ironwood Securities of Aligned Capital Partners Inc. and covered by the CIPF. Financial planning and insurance services are provided through Ironwood Wealth Management Group. Ironwood Wealth Management Group is an independent company separate and distinct from ACPI/ Ironwood Securities of Aligned Capital Partners Inc.